Hermione is a rampaging pregnant woman
by Lilith Osborn
Summary: and Draco is some strange beast because of some spells, they are on their way to the hospital wing to try to get them reversedDon't SNIFF ME! one cried.Don't look at me as if THAT were MY fault.IT IS YOUR FAULT!


**Well I don't own Harry Potter or the stuff in the books but I do own this plot I guess...um...malfoy and Hermione fight and are making there way toward the hospital wing to try to get some spells reversed...this may be a couple chapters long, enjoy!**

"DRACO WHAT SORT OF IDIOTIC REVENGE PLAN IS _THIS_!"

"CHANGE ME BACK _RIGHT NOW_ OR I WILL HAVE YOU DRAGGED OFF TO AZKABAN!"

"SILENCE!" bellowed Dumbledore at the two screaming Hogwarts students. "I suggest you both go and see Madam Pomfrey to see if this can be quickly reversed, you two should know better than to use spells you aren't familiar with, if we are not careful these spells could take much longer to reverse than needed. Now go along and we may be able to put this behind us." He watched as one made their way on all fours and one waddled a bit under the extra weight, toward the direction of the hospital wing.

"Don't SNIFF ME!" one cried.

"Don't look at me as if THAT were MY fault."

"IT _IS_ YOUR FAULT!"

Dumbledore sighed and began to walk away swiftly, shaking his head slowly and feeling like crying at the thought of the stress and yelling this would bring about.

* * *

Hermoine Granger was walking next to some sort of four legged beast with a large gummy mouth and long flimsy claws that bent when the creature put pressure on his foot. It looked rather scarey except for the fact that it had a bright pink bra spelled to stick on its forehead. 

"Hurry up fatso." it growled.

"Shut up Malfoy!" she said aimingher and his ownwand at him.

"There you are Hermoine! We've been looking for you, what !" Ron Weasley shouted a random curse that hit the pink braed beast and sent it flying. Hermoine began to laugh incessantly as the creature came out of the shadows with not only a pink bra glued to its forehead but it was now dressed in camoflage patterned clothing, the shirt of which said "The next Charle's Angel." in silver letters on the back.

"Hermoine are you all right? It didn't hurt you, did it?"

"N-n-no i-i-it's Malf-f-foy."

"Huh?" Ron said, wondering if he had misunderstood through the laughter. He looked over at the creature that was glaring at him and raised an eyebrow as if asking the pink bra'Do you have any idea why my friend has gone nutso?' Ron noticed Hermoine's stomach and said.

"HERMIONE ARE YOU _PREGNANT_?"

"Oh," she stopped laughing and looked surprised at Ron, who began to cry puddles of tears. "Well see, Malfoy..." but she was interupted by Ron's shrieks of pain and agony as he ran into the nearest girl's bathroom.

"Ron!" Hermoine yelled, trying to get him to come back. There were several shrieks from girls who were occupying the bathroom and Ron came stumbling out and started for the boy's lavatory.

"IT WAS A SPELL I DIDN'T SLEEP WITH MALFOY!" Ron stopped and starred at Hermione, his hand on the door to the gender appropriate lavatory.

His tears were gone "Oh, in that case." his face took on that of a wild man, twisted with anger and rage that seemed to come from the minds of past Weasley generations to which he had no attachment. He flew towards Malfoy, taking all of five seconds to float the ten feettoward the beast, fist cocked back to slam into Malfoy's face. Just as he got close enough and swung his arm as hard as he could, Malfoy took a step to the right and laughed hysterically at the surprised look on Ron'sface as he suddenly dropped out of the air.

There was a pause in which Malfoy stopped laughing, Hermione just watched and Ron just lay there on his stomach, arm stretched out in front of him, his hand still curled into a fist. Then Ron was on the back of Malfoy (who was screaming like a girl might I add),pulling his hair and face and robes and screaming incoherently as Malfoy turned from the creature to himself to an ostrich to himself to a gazelle to himself to a unicorn to himself to an elephant to himself to a dog to himself to a giant frog to himself to a goat to himself to a gnome to himself to the pink braed and camoflage covered wannabe 'Angel'.

Malfoy finally got Ron off of him and snarled as a warning for him to keep his distance, to which Ron whimpered and scampered off in the direction of some unknown broomcloset that Neville had already occupied, having been there since Crabb and Goyle had locked him in there the day before.

Hermione sighed, not sure what it was that she had been hoping for. "I was goingto ask him if he wanted to be the baby's father." she sighed.

"YOU ARE NOT HAVING MY BABY!"

"WELL UNLESS WE GET TO THE HOPSITAL WING THAN I THINK IT'S A LITTLE LATE! DON'T YOU THINK! PLEASE, TELL ME THAT YOU UNDERSTAND WHAT THIS GROWTH MEANS I'M LIKE ELEVEN MONTHS ALONG OR SOMETHING! THIS THING COULD TRY TO COME OUT AT ANY MOMENT AND YOU ARE SITTING HERE STRESSING ME OUT."

"I'm not sitting, and it's impossible to be eleven months along _smart one._"

"DON'T ARGUE WITH A PREGNANT WOMAN!" she shouted as she swung both wands, accidentally casting the spell 'dontarguewithapregnantwomanum' which lifted him into the air and continually smacked him into the wall until, somewhere around the fiftieth time, she 'found' the countercurse (which she had known all along) and they walked in a battered and contentedsilence onward towards the hospital wing.

**Ok...so what do you think hopeful smile yeah yeah, I know I know...ok so maybe I don't, why don't you tell me in a review?**


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